5 major life events that can shake up a relationship

Life has a knack for throwing unexpected challenges our way, and relationships often bear the brunt of these changes. As an Australian clinical psychologist and life coach based in Amsterdam, I’ve worked with countless couples and expats facing relationship struggles. Over the years, I’ve seen how certain major life events can significantly impact the stability and happiness of a partnership—sometimes in ways couples don’t anticipate.

Being an expat myself, and working with expat couples in Amsterdam, I understand firsthand how relocating to a new country adds another layer of complexity to a relationship. But whether it’s the adventure of moving abroad, the arrival of a child, or the shift in dynamics as kids leave home, these transitions don’t have to weaken a bond. In fact, with the right mindset and support, they can be opportunities for growth and deeper connection.

In this article, I explore five key life events that can shake up a relationship, along with the common challenges they bring. While these transitions may be unavoidable, they are not insurmountable. By understanding the potential pitfalls and proactively addressing them, couples can navigate these changes together and emerge stronger than ever.

1. The post-honeymoon phase of a relationship

The early stages of a relationship are often filled with passion and excitement, but as time passes (usually around 18–24 months in), the intense infatuation naturally fades. This transition from the ‘honeymoon phase’ to a more stable, long-term connection can be a make-or-break moment for many couples.

Common challenges:

• Realizing your partner is not as ‘perfect’ as they once seemed
• Differences in values, habits, or expectations are becoming more apparent
• A decrease in sexual desire and physical intimacy
• Falling into routines that make the relationship feel stagnant
• External stressors (work, family, responsibilities) are taking priority over the relationship

This phase requires a shift in mindset—from seeing love as something effortless to recognizing it as something that requires effort and commitment. Reintroducing novelty, practicing gratitude, and continuing to invest in the relationship can help navigate this shift successfully. I recently wrote a post about the Gottman Method and the ‘5 magic hours’, which are intended for this exact purpose: taking the time to invest in the connection that brought you, as a couple, together in the first place.

2. Moving overseas

For many expats, moving to a new country brings adventure and new opportunities, but it also comes with significant challenges that can impact a relationship. Adjusting to a different culture, leaving behind familiar support systems, and navigating the uncertainties of a new environment can all create stress.

Common challenges:

• Culture shock and difficulty adapting to new social norms
• One partner is struggling more than the other to adjust, leading to resentment
• Loneliness and isolation from family and friends
• Language barriers are causing frustration in daily life
• Financial strain due to job transitions or a higher cost of living
• A shift in relationship dynamics—one partner may feel dependent on the other for support

Couples who thrive in a new country are often those who actively build new social networks, support each other through the adjustment period, and maintain open dialogue about their challenges. In the Netherlands, the I Am Expat website has many resources for expats navigating their new life and forging connections with their local community; it is well worth a read.

3. The transition to parenthood

Bringing a child into the world is one of life’s most profound experiences, but it can also be one of the most disruptive for a relationship. Many couples underestimate how much life will change after having a baby, the stress that comes with this transition, and the toll it can take on both partners.

Common challenges:

• Sleep deprivation is affecting mood, patience, and communication
• Differences in parenting styles leading to conflict
• One partner (often the mother) feeling overwhelmed with the physical and emotional demands of childcare
• Career sacrifices and financial strain
• A shift in identity—struggling to balance being a parent and an individual
• Less time and energy for intimacy and quality time as a couple

Many couples find it helpful to set clear expectations, maintain open communication, and carve out intentional time for each other amid the chaos of new parenthood.

4. Becoming empty nesters

After years of raising children, many couples find themselves at a crossroads when their kids leave home. The transition from a full-time parent to an ‘empty nester’ can bring a sense of loss and a need to rediscover the relationship and what it meant to be a couple before having children.

Common challenges:

• Feeling a lack of purpose or direction after children leave
• Realizing that the relationship was centered around parenting, with little else in common
• Struggling to rekindle intimacy and emotional connection
• Experiencing differing visions for the future (e.g., one partner wanting to travel while the other prefers stability)
• Increased time together leading to unresolved conflicts resurfacing

For many, this can be a beautiful opportunity to reconnect, rediscover shared interests, and explore new activities together. However, it requires intentional effort and open communication to avoid drifting apart.

5. Caring for aging parents

As parents grow older, many couples find themselves in the role of caregivers—either for their own parents or their in-laws. This can be an emotionally and physically demanding phase that puts strain on a relationship.

Common challenges:

• Emotional stress from watching parents decline in health
• Disagreements over caregiving responsibilities (who does what, and how much support should be provided)
• Financial strain due to medical costs or housing arrangements
• Increased tension if one partner feels they are carrying the burden alone
• Balancing caregiving duties with work, parenting, and personal well-being

Supporting each other through this stage requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to seek external help when necessary. It’s essential to have open discussions about expectations and boundaries to avoid resentment.

So what to do?

Every relationship will face challenges, but major life transitions tend to amplify underlying issues or create new ones. The key to navigating these difficult moments is communication, flexibility, and a commitment to growing together.

If you and your partner are struggling with any of these transitions, seeking professional support can provide you with practical tools and advice to help you move forward.