Adult ADHD diagnosis: Navigating the emotional aftermath as an expat
How does an adult ADHD diagnosis feel?
For many adults, receiving an ADHD diagnosis later in life isn’t just a clinical event – it’s a big shift in how they view their entire life story.
Living as an expat in a fast-paced hub like Amsterdam often masks or amplifies ADHD traits. You might have chalked up your restlessness to “adventure-seeking,” or your executive dysfunction to the stress of navigating a new language and a Dutch tax return. But once the clinical label is applied, the “why” behind your struggles changes overnight.
In my practice, I’ve observed that while every individual’s journey is unique, the reaction to an adult ADHD diagnosis usually flows in one of several distinct directions. Understanding these reactions is the first step in integrating this new information into a healthy, empowered identity.
1. The “aha!” moment: validation of your past
For many, a diagnosis feels like the final piece of a puzzle they’ve been trying to solve for decades.
Looking back at school reports that said you “had potential but lacked focus,” or remembering the mounting frustration of “simple” tasks feeling like climbing a mountain, suddenly makes sense. This validation can be incredibly healing. It shifts the narrative from “I am lazy or incapable” to “My brain is wired differently.” This perspective allows for self-compassion, replacing years of self-criticism with a new-found understanding of your past reactions to stress and social environments.
2. The identity crisis: re-evaluating your life story
Conversely, some find the diagnosis leads to a period of “post-diagnostic grief” or an identity crisis. When you look back through this new lens, you might wonder: Who would I have been if I had known sooner? Every career pivot, every strained relationship, and every “failed” project is suddenly re-evaluated. This brings a layer of complexity that requires significant emotional work. It’s a process of mourning the person you thought you were—or the person you “should” have been—while trying to figure out who the “authentic” you actually is.
3. The pragmatic shift: focusing on the now
For others, the diagnosis isn’t an emotional earthquake; it’s a toolkit. These individuals tend to focus less on the “why” of the past and more on the “how” of the present.
The diagnosis serves as a functional gateway to systems that work. Whether it’s adopting specialized organizational strategies, setting better boundaries at work, or simply understanding why they thrive in the chaos of a startup but struggle with administrative “boring” tasks, the focus is entirely on optimizing their current life in Amsterdam.
4. The path to medication: Managing the daily mental load in Amsterdam
We cannot overlook the practical reality that for many, a diagnosis is the key to accessing medication.
For many adults, finding the right medication is like finally putting on a pair of glasses after a lifetime of blurry vision. It doesn’t “fix” everything, but it can lower the “noise” of everyday life, making it easier to manage career demands, household chores, and the mental load of living abroad. It provides the steady ground needed to implement the behavioral changes discussed in therapy.
Moving forward: beyond the label
Whatever your reaction—be it relief, grief, or a desire for immediate action—it’s important to remember that a diagnosis is a beginning, not an end.
Living as an expat adds layers to this transition. You may be navigating a Dutch healthcare system (the huisarts and GGZ) that feels different from home, or managing symptoms without your primary support network nearby.
You don’t have to navigate this “new lens” alone. Whether you are looking to process the emotional weight of your past or want to build a practical roadmap for your future, professional support can help you turn this diagnosis into a catalyst for growth.